Body Revolution: Phase 2, Workout 6

Body Revolution. Phase 2, Workout 6

On to week six. You’re halfway through now, so congratulations! After a quick warmup consisting of swing kicks, speed rope, and alternating knee thrusts, you’re ready to work the front of your body. Did I mention that on even workouts (2, 4, 6, etc.) you work the front of the body and on odd days (1, 3, 5, etc.) you work the back of the body? I don’t think I did, so that’s one little tidbit I am pretty sure I forgot to mention. 

You start out with with bent over, high and wide rows. You do crossover lunges to the front with a bicep curl, and then you do a move that is in almost every Jillian workout: plank rows. She has you do supermans with weights. You repeat that after doing rockstar jumps for cardio. 

Circuit two is a bit meaner. She has you in stork stance (or warrior 3) with low rows. Then she has you in reverse plank. She has you grab you resistance band and do heavy bicep curls. Since my resistance band is kind of crappy, I just used my heaviest dumbbells and sped it up a bit. You repeat this after doing cardio, which I don’t know the name of. I remember doing it in Ripped In 30. It’s kind of like doing a skater, but instead of swinging your leg back like you’re skating, you bring your knee up and stabilize (almost as if you’re going to kick). 

Circuit 3 had Statue of Liberty, which is a single leg squat holding one weight and flying the weight with your arm back. Then it’s time to do the lunge chop, which kind of reminds me of a baseball swing. You repeat each of these on one side so you do each side twice per circuit, and your cardio is running man. Have fun with that. (Personally? I love running man, but I hear so many people who hate it!)

Circuit 4 is actually my favorite circuit, which is kind of weird since it’s mostly ab work on the mat, and I usually hate ab work! On your back with your heaviest weights, do a lateral raise and a high crush (basically a sit up). Then you work your low abs with reverse crunch. Next you work your obliques with windshield wipers. Last move is you’re up doing kettlebell swings with a dumbbell. Since I have a kettlebell, I just use my kettlebell instead of a dumbbell. Your cardio is zig zag jumps, and I love these. 

Is it really a "healthy" lifestyle or just a mask of a healthy lifestyle?

Beware, I'm whining.

The scale has not always been my friend. In fact, it's always been my mortal enemy, unless it feels like going down. And then it's my best friend. But it's rarely my bestie.

So as we all know (or we don't know? Does anyone actually read this? ha), I'm a little more than halfway through Body Revolution. After last November's hip injury that sidelined me for a month, and then the calf which made me elliptical dependent, and who knows what else (poor diet choices maybe?), the scale has been going upwards. I’ll be honest: thought that doing Body Revolution would finally make the scale going down. I envisioned it, imagined it out. I hopped on the scale the day before I started, took before photos and measurements - the best I could doing both of these alone, and despite Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas looming, I made the commitment to redo Body Revolution and eat as clean as possible. I think I'm doing pretty good, ya know? I mean, sure, I did enjoy Thanksgiving, but for the most part, I like to think I eat pretty clean, I definitely am very calorie conscious, but really? I saw myself in mid-January, rocking a body that did NOT look like Christmas abs.

Well, so far, that’s not been the case.

I don't know anyone who works out as much as I do (in addition to Body Rev, I run for an hour a day, and on Body Rev days off, I usually do Country Heat workouts) and eats as healthy as I do, as little as I do, and still gains weight. I'll be honest, too: it's discouraging as hell. I've talked about how I don't really have a great support system when it comes to diet. I watch everyone stuff their face with brownies, pumpkin pies, fast food, macaroni and cheese. I typically say no but when I say yes, I measure out meticulously. I'm usually okay with other people's negative eating habits, but get a little jealous. Wow, I'd love a brownie, or some McDonalds. And not only that, but I'd love that and also love to not have the guilt that comes with it. The voice in my mind that beats me down for being human and wanting a cupcake. On the other side, I'm constantly dealing with random injuries. I work myself out to where I’m in pain every single day. The heating pad (or bath tub) is my best friend. I'm not joking when I say I have dreams in which Jillian Michaels is screaming in the background. I sometimes wake up in a panic thinking I missed a workout. It's *always* on my mind. And with how seriously devoted I am to all this, it's extremely discouraging that it doesn't show on the scale. I know, ditch the scale and use measurements, but that number is still important to me.

Even more, it’s starting to affect me in other ways, too. I know that I am not very nice anymore. I'm snappy and rude because I'm constantly uptight and thinking about this stuff. I would love to make plans to hang out with people, but honestly, I am so fixated on healthy eating and not missing a workout that going off my schedule freaks me out. I’m sure I could enjoy myself, but when the fun is over and I’m alone, it’s either a night of panic attacks because I didn’t work out or eat healthy, or it’s a workout at 3AM because of it. Holidays make me nervous because I have to work in a day of no working out plus food I haven't prepared.

Frankly, I’m sick of it all. I’m sick of being injured, totally focused on calories, scared to have fun, and unhappy in general. It's like I went from one unhealthy lifestyle to another unhealthy lifestyle that masks itself as healthy, or as a success story. After being called fat my whole life and feeling like I was nothing, and having people say that to me (or about me), I love my thinner silhouette and what I have accomplished (despite the issues I have now). I say thinner silhouette, because I don’t feel thin. I don't love my body. I don't think I ever will. I don't think I ever have! Weight has been an issue for me since I was a little girl, long before I knew about self loving myself. This terrifies me, that I will never be happy with my body, that I will constantly be glued to the scale, calories, eating healthy, exercising, burning, injuries. What scares me is that this is my life. Despite all that unhappiness, I don’t want to give it up. I do want to find a balance, but I’m not sure how.