Breakups

Well, it’s official: I have separated with Jillian and moved on. So far it has been an amicable separation; her DVD’s have not fallen in front of me while preparing or doing other workouts and I haven’t given her too much thought since moving. Seriously though, I haven’t done a Jillian workout since June or so, and it really has been a welcome change. After 18 months or so of doing one of her workouts nearly every day, it got to the point where there were times I was literally having dreams about her or hearing her voice in my sleep. Some might not see that as a big deal, but it honestly wasn’t pleasant for me, I would wake up startled. (Kind of like a weird lucid dream). And I’d been wanting to branch out or find something new for a while to switch things up. I would occasionally do GymRa workout here or there, but one night I really did not want to do Jillian, and I had a few extra minutes, so I went to GymRa on Youtube and found this workout. I still alternated this and Jillian for a while, but then I found another GymRa workout that I like with Natalie Yco instructing. Since she’s in a lot of Jillian DVD’s anyway, I felt it was right and have really enjoyed it. I’ve since been switching up a lot, going between three to four workouts on GymRa’s YouTube page, a couple of Keaira LaShae’s dance workouts (I’ve already really liked her!) and even doing stuff like playing Kinect. Zumba, Kinect Sports, and so on. It’s kind of like I’ve been going back to my roots - dancing, video games, and having fun with working out again. For a while there it was beginning to really feel like a chore. I think I just needed a change, but sometimes it still does feel like a chore even with the changes. That concerns me. I know that this is my future, this is my new life. I know weight loss and a journey to getting healthy doesn’t necessarily have an ending, and it concerns me that somedays I find myself getting really tired of it. Sometimes I wonder if I had taken slightly different turn somewhere back there, if things would be different now. When I really started fearing rest days, or when I really started feeling like I couldn’t stray off of my clean eating plan and it brought on a lot of crazy emotions, maybe I should have sought help from someone like a therapist. Maybe instead of doing it completely alone, I should have joined something like Weight Watchers to get out of the “good food, bad food” mentality. Maybe I should have gotten a personal trainer to learn the right amount of exercise and not go at it so obsessively. There are times where I cancel plans or feel an insane amount of panic about missing a workout or eating more calories than I feel is safe for me to eat. I know that that is not healthy either. What’s hard is that I don’t really have anyone who has lost weight like I have. Some people understand to a degree but not 100% and that’s frustrating for all parties. I’m told to balance it out, find moderation, but those are just words to me. I don’t know *how* to do it. It’s like telling someone who breaks their leg to walk it off. 

I’m sure I’m not alone in feelings like this, but a lot of times I do feel alone. I knew all along that losing weight wasn’t an instant answer to everything, but sometimes I wonder if my strategy hasn’t been the smartest way to go, either. It’s scary to start questioning everything! I’m hopeful that I’ll get the answers I’m looking for soon. 

Are you in the same boat? Or have you overcome this? What did you do? 

Coming up in future blogs: the workouts I’ve been doing in further details (with links!) and a good review of my Fitbit Charge HR now that I’ve had it for several months and feel like I can give a good review.