I haven't completely fallen off the bandwagon...

Warning: I'm whining.

I haven't completely fallen off the bandwagon, but I'm barely hanging on.

The pain in my feet, ankles, and knees have really sidelined me from being able to run in the way I want to. That's made it slightly necessary to take some breaks from running. My mom got sick in April, spent the night in the hospital, and it took her a while to bounce back. It was hard to make myself want to go down to the gym (there's a small gym in the hotel we've been living at) because what happens if she needs something while I'm down there? It's always soooo cold in the hotel room (looking forward to going home simply so I can leave the room if the A/C is being run when it's 60 degrees outside) and it's hard to find the motivation when you're freezing to get into workout clothes that you're gonna sweat in. Fast food/restaurant food is reimbursed so take out happens more often than trying to cook in the hotel room. Living in a hotel does NOT equal vacation, but it's been hard to balance it all. I still run on the treadmill or go out and run around the city, but not every day. The other day I rented a bike with the Bike Share app. That was fun. I have some active moments, but for the most part, I've pretty much done a complete 180 from where I was a year ago.

I'm pretty unhappy with my body and with the weight I've gained. My clothes don't fit right (same size for the most part, but I've had to buy new stuff and you know how it is with sizes, but my body has definitely changed). I'm just super discouraged, and a good part of it is my own damn fault. (Other part is it would be soooo nice to have some support!) Frankly it's been hard. I'm ready to go back home. I'm ready to get back on some sort of healthy routine, and be able to have my own space away from my unsupportive family. I'm ready to refind my reason why.

I don't have anyone I can talk to about this and that's also hard. :/ I hate whining blogs like this when I'd rather inspire someone.

Mental Health Week

Hi everyone! Since I completed Bodyshred last week, I have really been experiencing a lot of aches and pains from doing that program and running, so I decided to take a mental health week. A week full of pampering myself, congratulating myself for completing such a hard program and doing my best with the current situation, and healing in all it's forms - mentally, physically, and spiritually. My birthday is Saturday (February 9, woo hoo!) and so it's my birthday gift to myself. I've made sure to get my steps through walks thanks to mild weather (when it's not raining) and marching in place,  getting to explore other floors of the hotel, and just general fun (or maybe not so fun) shopping trips to IKEA and so on. I can't say that eating healthy and exercise hasn't been on my mind, and I can't say that I haven't had one panic attack relating to the lack of exercise and food, but that was on Super Bowl Sunday and there were other elements to my anxiety. Honestly, it's been so nice to just chill out! I did pore strips one night, I soaked my feed and did a face mask another night, took a glorious shower and painted my nails... it's just been nice to take a week to de-stress. I've done rest weeks before, but I think I need to make them happen more often. When I was a young teenager, I used to do a face mask, soak my feet, paint my nails, and take a long bath every Sunday night as a way to prepare for the week of school. I might bring that back also, just once a week total pamper session. Who says you can't enjoy that in your 30s?! :)

But I think I need to at least take a few days every few months of total off days. This has been really nice.

I completed Body Shred!

Holy cow! I completed Body Shred! This is the workout that totally intimidated me, scared me, and made me super nervous. I was so scared to embark on this program, and I pushed it off so many times. But I am proud to say that I started it during one of the most stressful times of my life and I finished it! I did change up some things though, which I'll touch base on. Body Shred is very similar to Body Revolution, where every two weeks you progress to two new workouts. For the first two weeks, you have workout 1, workout 2, and cardio 1. You do each of these twice a week. (In BodyShred, workout 1 is called Launch, workout 2 is called Rise, and the cardio workout that will take you through the first month is called Fire Up). Launch is called a Push day, and that's where you work the front of the body, the muscles that push you away. Rise is pull day, where you work the back of the body. And that's the way it is throughout the whole program. My Body Shred rest day is Saturday, so Sunday and Wednesday are my push days, Monday and Thursday are my pull days, and Tuesday and Friday are my cardio days. This workout is 60 day/two month program instead of 90 day program and it progresses a lot faster than Body Rev. It is super tough. I really noticed some changes as in I feel like I may be finally starting to manage chaturanga on my knees. I've never been able to master that. And just other things in general. I feel stronger!

So, like I said, I did change up some things. Since we're still living in a hotel, I am really limited on space, and I'm also have to make a lot of sacrifices when it comes to TV. There are two rooms I have space to work out in, but one is SUPER COLD. It's a bedroom where I have just enough space, but it's awkward. The TV is bolted down so I can't adjust and can only turn it slightly so I can barely see the screen. The living area is fairly large, but it's where everyone congregates. At home, I have so much space. I can work out in my bedroom, the family room, the living room. If I'm super desperate I can go outside. I don't have that here. And since there are neighbors all around me (upstairs, downstairs, side by side), I have to be courteous of them. So I did Jillian's cardio, but sporadically. When I did Body Rev the last time, I switched Jillian's cardio for Country Heat. I planned to do that this time around, but with everything going on, it's hard to get motivation to do a second cardio workout. I still am doing my best with a running schedule, although I'm back to running 100% on the treadmill due to winter weather and living in a not-the-safest downtown area. I'm running six days a week most days, getting five or so miles in a day, so on days where I had Jillian's cardio, I still get a run in so I have some workout. Saturdays I usually just get my steps in. I'm trying to balance the right amount of rest, exercise, and more. I am definitely feeling a little burnt out with all this, and my body has been giving me grief with right hamstrings, quads, and so on... I'm not sure if I am overtraining, or if it's just all the stress from everything. We'll see. So while I completed BodyShred, I did leave some parts out. Now that I've conquered Body Shred though, I'm seriously considering doing it again! But that said, I'm not 100% sure. I think it would be great to start up that program again when I get back home, because then I will have no excuse to modify. We're not sure how long we'll be in the hotel, or if we will be moved to a temporary home (we've looked at a few properties, but it's hard when you have a dog, only need a place for a few months, and so on) but we were told four months from the start of demo, which began a month ago, so it's looking like three or so more months. There is so much uncertainty! I have no idea what to do, because I have no idea what's going to happen. I feel like I have no control over my life anymore. It's just, ugh, this has been so stressful. I don't want to get burnt out with Body Shred though! Anyone have any suggestions?

I will share what I'm doing next though! And I hope to make details posts about Body Shred. Maybe I'll do that the next time I do it!

Goodbye 2018!

Crazy to believe that 2018 is almost over. I'm ready to move forward to 2019 for sure, but moving forward always makes me nervous. Some big things happened in 2018: I turned 30, which was a huge and kind of scary milestone for me, I really struggled with some dark depression there for a few months, the house caught on fire, and I spent the half half of the year living in a hotel (which I'm still at; more on that later). The idea of turning 31 is just as startling as turning 30, and hotel life is still kind of difficult for me to get used to. I'm not here on vacation!! But some days, it sure feels that way, especially with so many vacation days that happen at the end of November and around Christmastime. All the baking and iffy eating has caught up to me. While I was gaining weight according to the scale, my clothes fit the same, and I could see positive changes in the mirror. I got some of my clothes back and a couple pairs of pants are really difficult to button. Others still fit well. I'm not sure what's going on. I'm trying to remember if some of these pants were tighter before, but to be honest to myself, even if these clothes were tighter before I know that my nutrition has not been that great. It's a work in progress. I'm making sure to try and clean it up a little (now that Christmas is over, I'm hoping that will be easier, but being out of your home and having limited fridge and freezer space makes it all way more difficult than I thought it would!) and I'm confident that even if I can't get the weight off, I can at least get my body back to where I was! We were moved to a different place in the hotel; we're now in a two bedroom, two bathroom suite. So the whole family is together (previously we were spread between two rooms) and the living room area is large enough that I can do Body Shred without any space issues! In our previous room, I had about a 3.5ft by 6ft space to do it. I made it work, but this is much easier! I'm on the second week of workouts 3-4, and I move to 5-6 tomorrow. Workouts 3 and 4 are really tough! Burpee and planks galore. I'll give a good review on them soon.

I'm not sure if there is anyone who actually reads this, but the idea that someone may be reading makes me happy. The idea that I may inspire someone to do their best when they've been faced with a big tragedy or adversary (such as a house fire) is exciting too. I just want to inspire others this year! I want everyone to know that they CAN do it. If anything, I have confidence in you.

Entering Body Shred

Hi everyone! Hotel life is going all right. I could get used to having breakfast cooked for me every morning. ;) That makes it hard in a way though, it's so easy to pick the wrong choices OR eat too much. Would it be weird to take my own measuring cups down to where breakfast is served to get the right portion size? Yeah, didn't think so! I'm trying my best to make healthy options. Being stuck in a hotel without knowing if you'll be moved to another hotel or moving to another more permanent, yet still temporary home makes it difficult to really make plans, work out a schedule, and even just liven up your room. Christmas is 15 days away, but I've not done much about it, except bake. A lot. Chocolate and peanut butter fudge, cookies, brownies... the sweets seem endless! I'm really struggling with eating healthy right now. I can't say I would struggle like this as much at home, but I don't know. At home, I can at least go to another room or do something. Here I'm a little stuck.

Current workout is Body Shred! I started yesterday after inquiring in a Jillian Michaels group on Facebook how much space one really needs for it. I thought why not!? I was looking into some BeachBody workouts such as LIIFT4, Core De Force, or even 80 Day Obsession. 80 Day Obsession says you need a 6x6 space. I have about a 4ish by 6ish space. I noticed a lot of the workouts for Beach Body are longer, but have a few minutes where each move is explained. In some moves I'm grateful fo that, but in others I've done it so many times I don't need an explanation. I'm hooking my laptop up to the tv and playing workouts through a flash drive as it's all I have right now, and it's difficult to fast forward. I'm familiar with Jillian so I thought, why not? Body Shred always intimidated me, but I've got the first two days done and tomorrow is the cardio day. So far I enjoy it a LOT. Phew! It's Jillian's classic 3-2-1 style that 30 Day Shred and Ripped In 30 has, but in a group setting like Body Rev. And some of my favorites are back! Kenta, Jamie, Omar (!!) and more! So that's cool. Like I said, only in week 1, just started yesterday. Hopefully I'm not biting off more than I can chew!

Checking in again

Hello to anyone who may be reading this! Thanks for dropping by!

Sorry for the lack of posts here lately. Things have literally been CRAZY! I want to go into details, and I promise I will, but here are some highlights.
- Summer came and went. I got a lot of Stand Up Paddleboarding in, which was great! I love being out on the lake and exploring new places on the water.
- I went on a vacation for the first time in years - first time going anywhere with my new body! I went to Washington DC, which is one of my favorite places to travel to. I can't say that I didn't spend all of my vacation recreating photos, but, uh, I spent some time taking photos so I could compare. I mean, I know I've changed, but it wasn't until I saw a side by side photo that I realized that I'd really changed. It was amazing. My my vacation was filled with lots of activity that I'm not sure I'd have been able to do before my weight loss. On our last day there, I walked almost a half marathon around that city AND rode a bike.
- My house caught on fire. I'm currently living in a hotel. I'm not sure exactly how long I'll be here, but our home won't be livable for at least another six months. Everyone was safe, including our little dog, and that's all that matters. But with that, I'm still trying to eat healthily (or as healthily as possible with limited kitchen space, kitchen utensils, and more) and get my workouts in. Our hotel does have a lovely fitness center and our rooms are VERY solid. I've done several Jillian Michaels workouts the last two weeks and I've had no complaints from neighbors. Family members (my parents) are in the room above me, and they let me use their room to work out in if necessary. It just usually depends on where my weights are. This has been a major challenge to me and I've been so nervous that this may be my downfall to weight loss. I'm not exercising nearly as often as I was, and diet and nutrition is tough. But that said, I'm hard on myself with all that. Sometimes I wonder if I was overtraining and restricting calories too much. My clothes fit the same (or well, still in the same size; I've had to buy new clothes) but I just feel like there is so much more I could be doing. I'll elaborate more on this in another post. I hope that I'll be able to talk about my issues more and actually use this blog more!
- I have learned that I REALLY LOVE to run outdoors. I used to be a mostly-treadmill only girl. A run outside was a rarity. We did a LOT of walking in Washington DC, and every time we were out walking, it didn't matter the time or weather. There was always someone out running. It inspired me to give it a try. It didn't matter if it was rainy or really hot or what, they were out running. They were going somewhere instead of running on a treadmill. I wanted to give it a shot! While we were there, we'd watch their local news stations, and I heard about a woman who running and when was randomly stabbed. She passed away and I was really sad to hear it. It got me thinking again about running outdoors. This woman I never knew, never met, never heard of until she passed away and possibly wouldn't have heard of inspired me. Her story inspired me. So I decided to try something new in honor of someone whose story touched me. I got to explore places around my home that I never knew about and I've lived in the area for almost 30 years. I climbed up hills that at first felt like mountains that now I am able to run up no problem. (Well, we'll see what happens. In the hotel we're at, it's elevator only. I can't believe how much I miss stairs!)

So that's been a condensed (although it doesn't seem like it!) version of life lately. I hope to elaborate more on all of these in the near future and keep blogging about living in a hotel and still managing my workouts and healthy eating. This may be the biggest test of my fitness journey so far. Current workout: Killer Body. I was doing Body Rev again but I've done Killer Body so many times that I can remember it by heart.

Love to everyone, especially if you're reading this. <3

You are worth more.

YOU ARE WORTH MORE. 

You are worth more than the steps you take or your killer or not-so-killer workout. You are worth more than the calories you ate or didn’t eat. You are worth more than the size of your jeans or the number on that scale. You are worth more than what someone said to make you feel anything less than your worth. And what is that, by the way? It’s not a number. Your worth surpasses all numbers, even the infinite ones. No. Your worth is that you are you. You are the only one who is you, and that makes you powerful. That is your worth.