Slaying fears and bad feelings with Non Scale Victories

My weight loss journey has been just that: a journey. A long one, and one I'm still on. So far I've gone up and down, through flat roads, crazy mountains and hills, forks in the roads, twists and turns. I'm not quite sure if my journey has an ending or if it's just going to stretch out forever with little humps. Who knows what the future has for me.

In the days after Easter, I felt like I hit a mountain and wasn't quite sure I was ever going to get to the top. Really though, it wasn't a mountain, or even a hill. It was more like a mole hill. Or if I'm being honest, an ant-hill or something. A crack in the concrete?! The scale didn't budge for a week or so, and man did that get me really down. I know, a week and it didn't move, and I was panicking over that? I just went through a plateau that lasted over a year, and here I am crying over a few days!! Since doing Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred and then moving on to Ripped In 30 in addition to playing DDR (or sometimes running on the treadmill, or playing Zumba on Kinect) and breaking through that plateau, I've gotten to where I look super forward to stepping on the scale and seeing a loss or knowing that I at least didn't put weight on. For a few days there, I was hopping on the scale every day sometimes twice a day or more, feeling really down, really getting worried that I was getting stuck again. I'm the kind of person where the scale has a tendency to dictate what kind of mood I'm in, and well, I was in a bad mood. On top of the bad mood, I got to really thinking about some things, like this journey, and how long it's been. And how far I've gone, but how I'd love for it to end and just be normal, but then again what is normal?! I just got to thinking way too much

I am pretty sure that I've mentioned before that I grew up being overweight or obese. If not, well, yeah. I grew up being heavier than everyone else. Some of it is genetics, but I can't use that excuse for everything. Some of it is because I had poor eating habits that started when I was a child and continued on. I loved (and I still love) chips and dip. I can pass on the brownies, but hand me that Cincinnati Chili Dip ANY DAY! But it wasn't just poor nutrition, but just a total lack of self worth. School (all years, but mostly after elementary middle school and high school) wasn't a walk in a park for me, and many nights I would have panic attacks or make myself sick to my stomach worrying about going to school. I had zero confidence, zero self worth - I probably could have started this journey much earlier if I had realized that I was worth it years ago but it took a huge fight with a friend for me to realize I am worth it. Losing nearly 100lbs (I'm 1-2lbs away from a full 100!!) though has made a major positive impact of my life, but it also has me terrified. I'm terrified of gaining the weight back although I truly enjoy working out and I truly enjoy trying healthy and fun recipes that taste great. I don't see myself stopping any time soon. And that's where those negative feelings creep in. I'm scared. I'm frustrated. I'm a little jealous of people who can go out and eat what they want without having to think twice about it. And for a few days, I was really struggling. The scale didn't budge, Easter had come and I ate super yummy Easter foods, and I just got to overthinking.

I love reading the blog Brooke: Not On A Diet, and about once a week or so, I will look on her blog. It just so happened that she wrote an AMAZING blog post and posted it the same day I happened oto click on it. BOOM. She said exactly what I've been feeling. She was able to put words to what my brain has been racing with, that I couldn't find words to. She's experiencing what I'm experiencing. I'm not alone! While you definitely should check out her blog because I find her really inspiring, I will say the points that really stuck to me:

"Lately I have been feeling pretty frustrated with how things are going in the way of weight loss. I have been tracking, eating well, working out, and all those good things that should add up to weight loss on the scale. Yet, the scale won’t budge. I continue to bounce between 170-172 from week to week."

"Part of me just wants to be a ‘normal’ person. Someone who doesn’t have to put so much thought into what is going in my mouth, what it is worth, and how it fits into my daily budget. I just want to be able to eat foods I enjoy until satisfaction and keep the indulgences in check."

"I’ll be focusing on those NSVs (non-scale victories) and setting goals not related to the number."

And boom. It was very eye opening. Very encouraging. And I realized I need to stop relying on the scale, I need to stop panicking. I'm not going to gain 10lbs or 50lbs, or 100lbs in one weekend (Easter or not). There is so much more to this. I've got to think of my accomplishments, not panic about going back. I've got to go forward, because this journey is a forward thing! So now I make a point to keep an eye on some of my non-scale victories. I've not been sure what new Jillian DVD to buy, and I was getting bored with doing Week 4 of RI:30 over and over again, so I started again with Week 1, and I've gone through Week 2, and Week 3, and planning on restarting Week 4 tomorrow. You know how I said doing those two minutes in plank killed me the first go around? Not anymore! Still tough, but I can do it! I think that's a victory and it does not include a scale! The duckwalk and the bear crawl in Week 3 about killed my thighs. And they're still tough, but my endurance is so much better! I feel stronger and healthier. I really notice changes. Best of all, I was looking for photos for my Throwback Thursday photo, and I found one with me in the skirt and top I wore to graduation, and just photos of me and friends from high school, and that's when I really noticed it. I've done this. The scale didn't move on it's own. I moved. And I think so far that's my biggest non-scale victory, and it's all mine.

Take that panic, fear, and everything else that is against me, whether in my head or not. :) 

Ripped In 30: Week 4 review (RI30 IS NOW COMPLETE!)

Week 4 of Ripped In 30 is in the books! I truly enjoyed Week 4 much more than Week 3, but not because it was necessarily easier, it’s just that I enjoyed the exercises more. After the warm up, the strength moves in the first circuit were alternating crescent pose, and then down in a squat position for what felt like an hour doing static rows and presses. Strength was plié hops and then jumping jacks, but with a front kick rather than your feet going to the side. I LOVED THOSE!! They felt very Zumba-y and dancey to me, which I loved. Even Jillian mentioned to Basheerah (the girl doing the advanced version) to show off a little Broadway, which was totally cool being the Broadway nerd that I am! Abs was doing down dog with raising your knee to your chest, and then plank walk. 

Circuit 2 was doing superman with a shoulder press, renegade rows with a pushup, and then crossover lunges. I really am starting to like lunges more and more. I used to hate them! I really liked doing the curtsy lunge! The cardio for this circuit was tough. Burpees! Ack! And scissor hops. I’ve never done burpees much but I did enjoy them as weird as that sounds. Although, I had to be careful because at times I felt dizzy because I kept looking down at the floor rather than straight ahead. Haha. The ab moves for this circuit was one where you lay on your back and stick your feet straight up in the air, and then bring them side to side. I’m not sure the right term for it. And then you do hollow man into a sit up. 

Circuit three was a chest fly on the floor in bridge, chaturanga pushups, forearm pushups. I was familiar with the forearm pushups as they were in the 30 Day Shred, and I’ve always liked chest flies but the chaturanga pushups killed me at first! Cardio was in plank, jumping from the side to the center and then back to the side. I actually really liked those. And then double jump rope. Finishing up with abs, she had you do a sit up, and then after the sit up, raise your legs into a crunch. And you’re DONE! 

After the week 4 workout, Jillian gives a little speech about what a bad ass you are for finishing her Ripped In 30 DVD. For the last six days I did RI30, it still got to me every time, in a good way. Man. A year ago I couldn’t have done this workout! I didn’t even finished the 30 Day Shred, let alone RI30! But when I did manage to finish the 30DS this year, I knew that I could continue on and was determined to finish RI30, and told myself I would get a pedicure when I finished it! (I’m still planning on doing that, but just working out a date. But I’m going to see The Longest Ride, too! I might do the pedicure a little closer to Memorial Day and do The Longest Ride as my RI30 finished treat). I remember being cautiously excited when I started it. I remember the days where I didn’t want to but pushed on. I almost cried on my very last day of doing RI30! And also, I’ve seen massive results! I lost around 7 pounds, two and a half inches from my waist, an inch around my hips and bust and half inch from my arms. Finally broke through this plateau that’s plagued me for so long! I highly recommend this DVD. I did not follow the meal plan that comes with the DVD purchase but I track what I eat anyway. But I will say that during this program, one day my family and I went to the chinese buffet, and I baked a cake one day and had a piece for a couple days there. So there were days where I definitely didn’t eat super healthy, but mostly I stayed on track, and worked out consistently. Thank you, Jillian Michaels, for creating a workout that helped me get my life back. :)

I am trying to decide what Jillian DVD I want to get next. I’m going between Six Week Six Pack, Killer Abs, or Killer Buns and Thighs. I like the ones that are right around 30 minutes because that gives me enough time to get lunch cooked for my dad, get a 30 minute workout in, and then be able to come down and tell him goodbye before he leaves for work. 

Ripped in 30: Week 3 review

Jillian Michaels, you are a mean, mean woman, but I love it. Most days, that is. And you own’t believe the love I have for you when I’m cooling down and finished with you for the day!

So, I finished Week 3 of Ripped In 30, and I got to admit, this one was TOUGH. I read some other blogs and reviews about Ripped In 30 before I bought it, and I watch the actual workout before I actually do them so I’m not wasting workout time having to think, “Okay, what did she say again?” so I knew that this week was going to be pretty challenging. But man, I didn’t think it was going to be this tough!

Circuit one had bear crawl and duckwalk, both of which burned so bad the first few days. When I was on day three, I remember realizing that I was getting deeper with my duckwalk, which was exciting to me. I started with the modified and by the end, I wouldn’t say I was duckwalking like a pro, but I was doing decently! Doing wide and low rows after the duckwalk and the bear crawls killed my legs. As if that wasn’t enough, she makes you do jumping backs in a squat position. Oh my goodness. My poor legs. She gives your legs a bit of a breather with skiers. And then in plank for twisting plank, and then this one move where you do squat thrusts for your ab moves.

Circuit two was my favorite, because you do stork stance with a fly, and then, single leg squats, and then my favorite, a rock and roll squat with a reverse crunch. The only problem with that was I kind of have limited space and I nearly banged my head on my bed - phew. THAT’S another way to get your heart rate up. I could just imagine. In circuit three (coming up) Jillian makes a joke about how she doesn’t need any broken ankles or trips to the hospital and every time I heard that one, I kept thinking about how ridiculous I’d look with a big mark on my forehead. “How did this happen?” “Jillian Michaels. She did this to me.” (Unrelated, but my biggest fear is getting an injury. Luckily I’ve not been seriously injured in the near three years since I started this journey.) Cardio was squat jumps and then she has you get in a running stance and pump your arms. She made a joke about how one might feel silly doing that move. Phew. By that time, I had so much sweat running down my face was was ready to flip her off that I didn’t care how silly I looked, I just wanted it over! Haha. But next was abs. One where you hold your weights (if you do the advanced) and it’s crunching across, right arm to left leg, and then legs vertical and crunching up to touch your toes. The ab moves were so welcome after those squat jumps.

In circuit three, your shoulders, triceps and arms totally take a beating. The first circuit killed my legs, and this one killed my arms! Pike pushups (or down dog pushups), single arm pushups on each side while laying on your side, and then tricep dips in table. I didn’t mind the down dog pushups to be honest, but single arm pushups were tough. And I was always forgetting what arm/side I did before. Cardio was jumping lunges. In the 30 Day Shred, I could not do these for the life of me when they came up on Level 3, but this time, I could do them no problem! Woot!! And then the next one was single leg hops, basically jumping on one foot. She has the advanced jump in special directions, but I didn’t because there is a good chance that I actually would break an ankle, which is what I mentioned above. I have decent balance and I usually continue strong throughout my workout, but I just jumped on one leg here without jumping side to side, which is what the modifier did. The last ab move was an ab hold (which I did with my hands on weights because of my short arms, and that helped!) and then pike crunches.

And then the cool down, hallelujah! Week three was tough. It was the most challenging workout out of the two Jillian DVD’s I have. I have started Week four (actually almost finished with it) and will share my opinions of it.

But in all, I’m still loving Ripped In 30! I’ve finally broken through the plateau that plagued me for about a year. I just don’t want to jinx myself, but I’m at my lowest weight in years; we’re talking elementary school here. I went to try on clothes at a few different stores, and I am finally seeing some very noticeable changes. I can totally see difference from the photos I took of myself on January 11, when I first started the 30 Day Shred, and the photos I took at the end of Week 2 of Ripped in 30. The pants I bought just last September are starting to get baggy. I took measurements this time (still trying to be brave enough to put my measurements online!) and last time I measured, I had lost inches! So I’m really pleased, and will continue to test out more Jillian Michaels’ DVD’s to do in the mornings. I still play DDR at night because I love it so much!

Thanks for reading!