Happy 2016!!

Hey guys! Happy 2016! Did you have a good Christmas? Was Santa good? How about those New Years Resolutions?

I had a great Christmas! I ended up getting a Fitbit Charge HR, which I adore so far! I’m still learning all the cool things that I can do with it and will write a more detailed review soon. So far I really love it, which makes all the worrying I did wondering if the Fitbit was worth it totally a waste of time! I need to stop worrying so much. So much energy spent getting all nervous over things I have no control over! 

My New Years Resolution is to continue on this journey of maintaining a healthy lifestyle, worry less about things I should not worry about, and just try to enjoy my life. I actually went to our local Chinese joint to get some food and I thought it was quite fitting. I don’t actively talk about this, but sometimes, I just really struggle with all this healthy lifestyle stuff. Sometimes I am far too strict with myself; not giving myself time off to let my muscles heal, telling myself no to a treat. I’ve recently been doing much better about that, but it still is very hard sometimes. I constantly am reminded by friends (and I remind myself) that I will not lose over three years of hard work if I take a night out and eat at a restaurant, or have a slice of cake, or whatever I indulge in. Constant indulgences might be an issue, but every once in a while? It’s okay! So I thought, you know, why not start the year off with a nice treat to myself? Gotta live! Live more, worry less! So far, it’s all right. So in addition to worrying less, I’ve also decided that in the year 2016, I want to be on the move, and I want to get in 1000 miles this year. When I run, I generally run just slightly over four miles. I think 1000 is a good number, if I were to run four miles for 366 days (Leap Year!) that would be 1464 miles in a year. I know that there are going to be days where I don’t feel like running, whether I’m sick or injured or whatever, and that gives me 464 miles to play around with. ;) I actually need to get better at taking a day off - it’s that whole worrying thing again. It’ll all come with time. 

I’ve been doing Killer Body again but only the Upper Body workout although I might add in the dreaded core workout, and start doing the lower body also. I missed doing it. Using five pound weights feel like nothing now! Great feeling when I think back to how heavy they felt in the beginning. I’m not sure if Shred It With Weights helped build me up or what. Despite it all, I feel like that’s a non-scale victory! I can definitely notice a difference in how heavy I can go! Gotta invest in some heavier weights now! Even with doing Killer Body, I’m still looking for something more, and I think I may even be ready to branch away from Jillian and look into other at-home DVD’s. I’d like to be able to get to where I can lift heavier and really start building up some noticeable muscle this year. 

I have lots of dreams this year and my hope is to be able to accomplish them all! I’m grateful that I’m at a place where I feel like I can accomplish the dreams and goals I set for the year. I don’t see myself falling off the bandwagon. Even a few weeks ago when I fell slightly off the bandwagon for a few days after the illness that never was, I was still able to get back on it (thanks again, fictional guy). With that said, think of those who might not have the support or determination you or I do. I’ve come across many memes, jokes, and articles in fitness-inspired groups and just online in general making fun of the people who have fitness and health related goals as their resolutions. I’ve seen so many articles about the “New Year Gym Rush” and how they wonder how long the new people will last. Why are we saying this? Why are so many people so sure that someone new can’t do what we did? We all began somewhere! I began in August 2012, rather than January 1 on some random year, but I started at the bottom. We all start from the bottom. Yes, many people resolve to make changes at the beginning of the year. Sure, some people don’t stick with it. Some people do, but why are we discouraging others? Lets build one another up and not make another feel as tall as a blade of grass. I became a fan of PrayFit on Facebook, and I saw this, I thought I would end my post by sharing it here! Happy New Year! 

“I said it last year, but I can't help but already notice – from Twitter to chain emails – the avid exercisers mocking the new faces at the gym (or those they will soon see.) And they all have the same, general theme: “Oh those resolutions. I wonder how long they will last…”Aren’t we glad God doesn’t say the same about us? “Oh, here’s Jimmy again. Same sin, same confession, I wonder how long this commitment will last.”Guys, if it helps, think of the new face at the gym or on the road, or in the pool, like a visitor at a crowded church on Christmas day. Acknowledge them, welcome them and tell them you’ll see them next time. They may not be familiar with the gym's layout, but they'll know where to find grace. You never know, your words of encouragement might be what saves their lives. Remember, it takes courage for them to show up. Now, it’s your turn. -JP #‎PrayFit(It also takes courage NOT to show up. Join us at prayfit.org from January 1-10 for our retreat; from the gym, from the road, from movement, from activity. But it doesn't mean we won't be "training.”)”

Slaying fears and bad feelings with Non Scale Victories

My weight loss journey has been just that: a journey. A long one, and one I'm still on. So far I've gone up and down, through flat roads, crazy mountains and hills, forks in the roads, twists and turns. I'm not quite sure if my journey has an ending or if it's just going to stretch out forever with little humps. Who knows what the future has for me.

In the days after Easter, I felt like I hit a mountain and wasn't quite sure I was ever going to get to the top. Really though, it wasn't a mountain, or even a hill. It was more like a mole hill. Or if I'm being honest, an ant-hill or something. A crack in the concrete?! The scale didn't budge for a week or so, and man did that get me really down. I know, a week and it didn't move, and I was panicking over that? I just went through a plateau that lasted over a year, and here I am crying over a few days!! Since doing Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred and then moving on to Ripped In 30 in addition to playing DDR (or sometimes running on the treadmill, or playing Zumba on Kinect) and breaking through that plateau, I've gotten to where I look super forward to stepping on the scale and seeing a loss or knowing that I at least didn't put weight on. For a few days there, I was hopping on the scale every day sometimes twice a day or more, feeling really down, really getting worried that I was getting stuck again. I'm the kind of person where the scale has a tendency to dictate what kind of mood I'm in, and well, I was in a bad mood. On top of the bad mood, I got to really thinking about some things, like this journey, and how long it's been. And how far I've gone, but how I'd love for it to end and just be normal, but then again what is normal?! I just got to thinking way too much

I am pretty sure that I've mentioned before that I grew up being overweight or obese. If not, well, yeah. I grew up being heavier than everyone else. Some of it is genetics, but I can't use that excuse for everything. Some of it is because I had poor eating habits that started when I was a child and continued on. I loved (and I still love) chips and dip. I can pass on the brownies, but hand me that Cincinnati Chili Dip ANY DAY! But it wasn't just poor nutrition, but just a total lack of self worth. School (all years, but mostly after elementary middle school and high school) wasn't a walk in a park for me, and many nights I would have panic attacks or make myself sick to my stomach worrying about going to school. I had zero confidence, zero self worth - I probably could have started this journey much earlier if I had realized that I was worth it years ago but it took a huge fight with a friend for me to realize I am worth it. Losing nearly 100lbs (I'm 1-2lbs away from a full 100!!) though has made a major positive impact of my life, but it also has me terrified. I'm terrified of gaining the weight back although I truly enjoy working out and I truly enjoy trying healthy and fun recipes that taste great. I don't see myself stopping any time soon. And that's where those negative feelings creep in. I'm scared. I'm frustrated. I'm a little jealous of people who can go out and eat what they want without having to think twice about it. And for a few days, I was really struggling. The scale didn't budge, Easter had come and I ate super yummy Easter foods, and I just got to overthinking.

I love reading the blog Brooke: Not On A Diet, and about once a week or so, I will look on her blog. It just so happened that she wrote an AMAZING blog post and posted it the same day I happened oto click on it. BOOM. She said exactly what I've been feeling. She was able to put words to what my brain has been racing with, that I couldn't find words to. She's experiencing what I'm experiencing. I'm not alone! While you definitely should check out her blog because I find her really inspiring, I will say the points that really stuck to me:

"Lately I have been feeling pretty frustrated with how things are going in the way of weight loss. I have been tracking, eating well, working out, and all those good things that should add up to weight loss on the scale. Yet, the scale won’t budge. I continue to bounce between 170-172 from week to week."

"Part of me just wants to be a ‘normal’ person. Someone who doesn’t have to put so much thought into what is going in my mouth, what it is worth, and how it fits into my daily budget. I just want to be able to eat foods I enjoy until satisfaction and keep the indulgences in check."

"I’ll be focusing on those NSVs (non-scale victories) and setting goals not related to the number."

And boom. It was very eye opening. Very encouraging. And I realized I need to stop relying on the scale, I need to stop panicking. I'm not going to gain 10lbs or 50lbs, or 100lbs in one weekend (Easter or not). There is so much more to this. I've got to think of my accomplishments, not panic about going back. I've got to go forward, because this journey is a forward thing! So now I make a point to keep an eye on some of my non-scale victories. I've not been sure what new Jillian DVD to buy, and I was getting bored with doing Week 4 of RI:30 over and over again, so I started again with Week 1, and I've gone through Week 2, and Week 3, and planning on restarting Week 4 tomorrow. You know how I said doing those two minutes in plank killed me the first go around? Not anymore! Still tough, but I can do it! I think that's a victory and it does not include a scale! The duckwalk and the bear crawl in Week 3 about killed my thighs. And they're still tough, but my endurance is so much better! I feel stronger and healthier. I really notice changes. Best of all, I was looking for photos for my Throwback Thursday photo, and I found one with me in the skirt and top I wore to graduation, and just photos of me and friends from high school, and that's when I really noticed it. I've done this. The scale didn't move on it's own. I moved. And I think so far that's my biggest non-scale victory, and it's all mine.

Take that panic, fear, and everything else that is against me, whether in my head or not. :) 

Finding the words to say how you feel

I’ve been kind of AWOL again. It’s not that I don’t think about posting here, quite the opposite actually. I think daily about this blog because every day I work out and/or think of things related to health and working out and this blog is one of the things that come to mind. Blogs in general have been really helpful for me. Some days I just can’t think of what to write without sounding overly pessimistic or just over the top silly with optimism, to the point where people would question whether I’m being truthful. I want this blog to be real and not a bunch of bull, you know? I want it to be factual based on my experiences but also inspiring. Sometimes sharing my real experiences can be seen as pessimistic, and therefore not inspiring at all.

So with that said, it’s hard to come up with the words to say what I want and do everything I want to do. Currently I’m feeling a bit pessimistic, and the last year or so this feeling has been more prevalent than any other. I feel very stuck. I feel like I’m just running on a big, fairly long treadmill. I’m getting things done, but I’m going nowhere. Sometimes I’m really on top of my game and really close to the front, and then other days I’ve lagged a bit and I’m close to falling off the end. Still on it though - never fallen off the treadmill. And somedays, I can think, hey! At least I’ve not fallen off yet! But then other days I just wish I could get off that treadmill and move on to something else. Am I making sense? Here’s how that feeling has come about: in the last year, I’ve maintained my weight. That’s great! I’m at the lowest weight and size I’ve been at in years and maintaining it! But I still have my “realistic goal weight” as I call it (I have another goal weight but I think that’s pretty unrealistic) and that means losing another 25-30lbs. And I’m not sure what exactly is going on, but this plateau I’ve hit has lasted over a year. It’s pretty discouraging. I’m happy with my weight loss, don’t get me wrong, but I’d still love to lose more. I’ve changed my diet, changed my workout. Added to it, taken from it. I’ve lost a significant amount of hair, and seen a doctor who told me everything was fine after getting a complete blood count and my thyroid checked. Having my weight stay the same despite lots of changes, and then having my hair fall out like it’s been has just really discouraged me. I feel like no matter what I do, I get nowhere. It’s really hard to blog and try to inspire when my mind focuses on the weight I still want to lose, my rapidly thinning hair, the fact that all blood tests came back normal, the plateau from hell, and so on.

Phew. It’s out there. I’ve said it.
Wow. I’m not sure if I feel like I’ve got a weight off my shoulders or not, but it’s nice to at least put my feelings somewhere. I don’t have many people I can talk to about things like this. My family is supportive to a degree, but only in certain aspects. I’ve stated before that I live with someone who might be called the stereotypical fat person. He only eats 4-5 different types of food, all that are unhealthy (pizza, fried chicken, frozen chili to name a few). He doesn’t eat vegetables unless you consider french fries a vegetable. He is incredibly picky. It’s really hard living in a home with someone like that. I’m lucky that I love vegetables and healthy food, but it is so hard being surrounded around someone who is eating an entire pizza, chili, chicken nuggets. I try to explain that, and no one understands why it's so hard, so upsetting. They say they do, but their angry reaction to why this is hard for me means either that they truly do not get it, or they truly do not care about my feelings. What is it?! I know this place has a good chance of being what could be called toxic and I hate saying that because I live with my parents, my brother, my family who I love. And wow. That’s out there, too.

Despite all that, I am proud that I’ve managed to lose weight and maintain my weight loss through what I feel has to be a pretty difficult situation. Some days I truly feel like I have no support. I still get up every day and work out, I still try my best to keep my diet on track. I try to keep the focus on that. I’m still doing it.  I'M STILL DOING IT. It’s just very slow moving right now, and that’s what I want to focus on with this blog. Despite feeling stuck, despite feeling like I’m going nowhere, I’m still going and I think that’s a good thing. So I hope that inspires. And when things pick up, I'll still be doing it.

Thank you for taking the time to read this! Please don't be discouraged if you have been. And please know that if I do have any readers (I'm not sure, but I have 157 page views! I know I didn't refresh 157 times!) I don't forget about this blog. And I have to write about! Several things I want to touch base on and talk about! I finished the 30 Day Shred and I plan on sharing my experiences with it. I also went clothes shopping in my old closet. Wow. That was pretty cool! I also tried on my two prom dresses that I wore at my junior and senior proms nine and ten years ago. That was really cool. :)

Find your passion and make it happen!

While checking Facebook, a Facebook post from former The Biggest Loser (TBL) contestant Shay Sorrells popped up in my feed about Jillian Michaels leaving the show for the third time. I used to be ridiculously addicted to TBL and I admit that I still watch it when it airs, but it is far from my favorite show nowadays. Where I used to find it very motivating, now I find it completely the opposite. And where I used to feel like it was a show that advocated good health, I now feel completely the opposite, especially with the previous season that aired. It did get me curious on how some of my favorite former TBL contestants were doing. I decided to look them up on Facebook. I found Abby Rike and then sisters Hannah Curlee, and Olivia Ward. I was just scrolling down to find some pictures or other sorts of inspiration when I found a post that Olivia had written. Since it seemed a little out of place (no picture, just a bit of text) I stopped and decided to read it. I am so glad I did! Here's what it said:

"If you think Bootcamps are bad...then don't do them. If you think spinning is bad....then don't do it. If you think Crossfit is bad...then don't do it. If you feel the need to tear other people down for THEIR choices in fitness because it WORKS for them...please dear Lord DON'T DO IT!! Everyone is different and every practice is different that is why one might work for you and the other won't. There are risks in any type of intense physical activity choose what is best for you...because the most dangerous is eating cheetos on the couch and doing nothing. Rant over."

After last nights blog was kind of depressing and very ranty, and my posts are sporadic at most, (although I do hope to get better at posting!) when I read that, felt like I had to speak about it. Mostly because I didn't want to leave my previously whiny blog pays to be the first thing that people see if they happen to come across this page.  Also, because I really could relate to it. If you're just reading this blog for the first time and this is the first post you're reading, hi! My weight loss is mostly in thanks to a video game called Dance Dance Revolution, or DDR. Sounds crazy, huh, a video game for working out! Not on the Wii, not on the Kinect (although they do have DDR games for Wii) but on the good ol' PS2, a system that is waaay old! Now that we've touched base on that, let me get to while I could relate to this.

I've had people say some pretty nasty things about my playing DDR. As started in a previous blog post, one person's opinion of my playing DDR eventually lead me to quitting. And then after a year or so, I realized that it was ridiculous to quit the one thing that I not only enjoyed, but worked for me. While unconventional, DDR works for me! Who or what gives someone the right to belittle what works for you? Do you look silly when doing something that works for you? So what. It works for you. Do it proudly. Is DDR a video game? Yes. But I dance proudly because it works for me. If you think DDR is bad, then by all means, play the game. If you think dancing around your bedroom is bad, then don't. If you think the treadmill is ridiculous, then don't buy one and avoid them. With that said, don't knock on what works for me. First off, because your words will just bounce off. They will not register in my brain, and you'd be wasting your breath. Secondly, because another thing I learned is the best person to listen to is myself - and you know what I say? GET UP AND DANCE!

Find what works for you, and do it. Who cares what kind of physical activity you engage in if it works for you? Find your passion and make it happen! In the end, you and your good health (and awesome body) will have the last laugh. :)

Motivation

I'm lucky. I've read other blogs, seem peoples comments on various places, and so many people say that staying motivated is very hard for them. I'm grateful that there are no motivation issues for me for the most part. Some days I am really frustrated with working out and I just want it to be over, but that is few and far between.

I think some of that is because I work out mostly by doing something fun (playing Dance Dance Revolution, which I will go into more details soon) but also, some of it is because I have a goal to work for, and I like to think and hope I am goal oriented. The fact that I have kept up this lifestyle, and do some kind of physical activity almost every night makes me think that yeah, I've got to at least be a little goal oriented, right?

Maybe I should explain what helps keep me motivated. Keep in mind that it might be seen as mean, or childish, or petty. In 2011, I was in a very nasty fight with a girl I once considered a very close friend, perhaps a best friend. Being friends with this person was tough from the beginning. We met when we were middle school aged, but we didn't form a close bond until a couple years later. I burned a lot of bridges to be friends with her. She has a different personality, I guess you could say, and one that not many people seem to like, or understand. I don't want to sound conceited or anything, but in school, I was known as the "nice girl" and if you give me time, I can find good in anyone, including this particular person. I was the person who would smile at everyone, who gave anyone a chance, or didn't matter what kind of person they were. I would give everyone a chance, and unless given a valid reason, I don't dislike anyone. However, when it came to this person, a lot of people didn't understand, and because of that, bridges were burned. As I look back, I can't believe that I chose that kind of friend either. I guess in a way, you could say she did not respect my feelings, ideals, morals or dreams at all. I don't want to go into details, because that's not what this particular blog post is about. Growing up, I didn't realize that she really wasn't a good friend, or the right kind of friend for me. The incidents that happened in 2011 just gave me light to the side that so many other people had been warning me about for years.

This girl said something to me one day, in the middle of our fight, that lasted an entire summer: "Julie, if you want to feel better about yourself, you should travel, or go to school, or do something else that makes you feel better to yourself besides DDR." - that's not the direct quote, but that's mostly the gist of it. Do something that makes you feel better about yourself than play DDR, which is a video game, but it's video game that has proven to work for me to lose weight.

I was really upset. Devastated. I stopped playing DDR because I felt pathetic. Even to this day, when I see someone and they're so shocked at how much weight I've lost, I can feel my face turn red. "Oh, I lost it playing a video game..." I shouldn't feel ashamed. Why should I feel ashamed? It's cheaper than a gym membership! It's a whole lot of fun! I've always loved it! I recently found that message again, and reading it just made me realize that this girl just never understood. Seriously. If you truly loved someone, and was excited that they were succeeding, why would you tell them to stop doing that?

From 2011 until August 2012, I just felt really pathetic. I mean, I felt like I didn't have any friends. I do have friends, but at the moment I don't drive, and my best friend, Aubrey, lives far beyond walking distance. I felt really alone. I had a lot of time to sit and think, and think, and think about the argument between me and the other girl, and then I realized that is what she wanted. She wanted me to relive her calling me pathetic, fat, loser, etc. And I also realized that my anger was justified, but I could do something healthier with it.

So I started playing DDR again. I channeled that anger, and I turned it into passion. I decided then and there that I wanted to be thinner than the girl I dislike the most. Maybe I was a pathetic fat loser. I can't argue and say that I wasn't fat. But that was going to change. I wanted to get to that size. She can't call me fat, unless she calls herself fat too! So that was my goal. That was my motivation, and I think I've reached that. I don't know, but occasionally I see her around, and I think so, and I feel proud. I can't call her up and ask her her weight, or her pants size! And, I did it all on my own. Hard work. Not only DDR. I walk my puppy a lot. I watch what I eat. I've realized that I enjoy running! I have a treadmill, exercise bike, and an elliptical machine at home, and I have a 3 mile floodwall near. Lots of sidewalk and two legs.

Sure, it's childish, but it's kept me going. I've kept that inside for a long time, just because it is silly, I know. But it's my motivation, and it is what started everything. And I've got to say, I know I'm not the only one who has motivation like that. I was watching Dr. Oz, and New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg was on, discussing the soda ban. This was a few months ago. Dr. Oz and Mayor Bloomberg discussed how he had went to the federal government to try and make things like potato chips, snack food, and soda ineligible to be bought with a food stamp card. Dr. Oz made note that Mayor Bloomberg's time as mayor was coming to an end, and he wanted to know if he (Bloomberg) thought that health was going to be his main legacy. Mayor Bloomberg said, “I’ll tell you ways to think about this: think about the person you don’t like most in the world. Do you want to be at their funeral or do you want them to be at yours? If that doesn’t get you to take care of yourself, I don’t know what does.”

On top of that, I do enjoy working out. I enjoy physical activity. I've become passionate about it, and it's something that I just love to do. I'm on my way to being healthier than I was when I was a child, and I love that. I'm old enough to do things with my life and young enough to enjoy it. 

Enjoying my workouts, knowing that I'm making my life better, and of course using past anger as fuel is what keeps me motivated. Now I'm not saying that I don't think about that person every day, I don't. I did in the beginning, and occasionally I do, but I also replay years of being teased as a child in my head too occasionally, on days where I am really struggling, and it gives me what I need. If someone tells me that I can't, I want to look them in the eye and say, "Watch me!"