Finding the joy in fitness again

Hey guys! Wow, still can’t believe that I kept that last post up. I’ll be honest: It was kind of liberating in a way! Since then, I’ve been working very hard to try to find the joy in fitness again and not be so controlled by the need to get on the treadmill or do my workout. I want to enjoy my life, and if I start dreading all this now when I still have (hopefully) years and years to live, it’ll not be a fun life to live!

I recently bought a stand up paddle board (SUP), which is something I’ve wanted to try for a long, long time! I read about it in a book and it sounded interesting, especially after the protagonist in the book talked about how it was such a great workout. Haha. (Seriously though, I’ve always been interested in water sports, water skiing, jet skiing, swimming. I like to think it’s because I was born under the sign of the water bearer!) I googled stand up paddle boarding though, and beyond the idea of a great workout, it looked SO FUN. And quickly it became something I wanted to try, and then it became a major interest. So for the last couple of years, I’ve been hemming and hawing over buying a board or renting one and trying it somewhere nearby. I looked up all kinds of prices and different types, from inflatable to solid. It just so happened that I was at my local Walmart, and saw one, and like always, I went to look at it and dream about paddle boarding, and then I noticed the price. A good $200 cheaper than the cheapest one I had seen. What. I went home thinking it might be too good to be true, and did some research online again, when I learned that that paddle board was actually rated fairly highly at other places online. I watched a few review videos on youtube, and then double checked the prices again, on different sporting good websites, amazon, and on Walmart’s actual website, where the same exact paddle board was super high. What?! So, we went back, double checked, and the paddle board was legitimately being sold for under $70. The man who worked there said that they were definitely losing money on the boards selling them for that price, but they were just wanting to get rid of them. I somehow lucked out! I bought the last board except for the display. 

I’ve gotten it out on the water once and really, really enjoyed it! I only fell once, and that was after the first time standing up. Once I got standing again, I really did it! I only fell one other time, but that was purposely because I wanted to get back on the board in the middle of the lake just to make sure that wouldn’t be an issue. haha. I felt like I had a good grasp on it, and I’m actually going again tomorrow. I’m looking really forward to it. It’s something fun and active that doesn’t feel like a chore, and that’s wonderful. And it’s a good non-scale victory too. If I hadn’t lost the weight, would I be able to do this? Paddle boards have a weight limit, ya know! Plus, balancing, being fit enough to paddle for long periods of time, and so on. While on the board the last time, standing in the middle of the lake, I almost got emotional. I wanted to go back and thank the old me. It was her, after all, who decided to get up and jump on the DDR pad, and make it a routine.

On the subject of DDR, I MISS IT! I think I need to invest in a soft pad so I can play more often. I think that might help bring back some of the joy in fitness. I began a new Jillian program about six weeks ago. It’s Jillian’s Body Revolution (reviews to come soon - and there are a lot! It’s a 90 day, 12 workout program!) and I can’t believe it’s taken me this long to realize that football runs or fast feet is incredibly similar to DDR moves! I used to hate fast feet until I was able to find a way to relate it to DDR. Woohoo! 

How’s summer going for everyone?

Have you recently tried something you’ve wanted to try?

I've lost 100lbs but I've gained so much more.

Hi guys! Well, it's official: I've lost one hundred pounds! It took me close to three years but I did it! If you're new to the blog and wondering how I managed this, here's the short version: I did it without setting food inside a gym, playing a video game, doing workout DVD's created by Jillian Michaels, and by tracking what I eat with the website/app called LoseIt. I'm really proud of myself for what I've accomplished. The last three years have definitely not been easy, but it's been incredibly worth it!

So, like the title says, I've lost 100lbs, but I've gained so much more. Gained what? Well, a plethora of emotions and feelings both very positive and negative. I'm going to touch base about these things. Three years ago when I started this journey, I really didn't expect to lose weight. I was at a pretty low place as it was and I specifically remember signing up for LoseIt and thinking that it was something that would probably never work. I had tracked before and look where it got me. I didn't even believe I had lost weight until a few months later shopping for clothes and I had dropped two pants sizes. I was shocked and pleasantly surprised! Once I realized that it actually was working, it wasn't difficult to stick to it. Finding an activity that I enjoyed was key! Dance Dance Revolution is a lot of fun! As the weight continued to come off, I was proud! I felt strong, I felt beautiful. I remember when the, "Post five photos where you feel beautiful!" thing went around on Facebook, I posted a photograph of myself all sweaty after a workout talking about how working out made me feel strong and fierce and those feelings made me feel beautiful.

As time went on and I hit that plateau, I then started to feel really frustrated. Especially when that plateau seemed to last forever. And then feeling frustrated when to feeling defeated and discouraged. I had no idea what to do, what I could do to change things up. It's something I've blogged about before. Every time someone would ask me if I was still losing weight or how much I'd lost recently, I could just feel my stomach start to tie up in knots.

Adding in Jillian Michael's workouts in addition to DDR broke the plateau! I began doing Jillian workouts on January 11, starting with the 30 Day Shred, then Ripped In 30, Killer Body, and now I'm doing Yoga Inferno. I also really started really keeping an eye on what I ate. In the beginning it wasn't too bad, but now I'm pretty restrictive with my calories and very strict about getting my two workouts a day (except for Thursdays where I take a Jillian break). And that I know is pretty unhealthy. And that makes me feel like a slave and trapped. Sometimes it makes me feel unhealthy. I did not work by booty off to get to the point where I deny myself food before I get a workout in, or only allow myself to eat a salad a day. And that's the negatives to my journey with weight loss. I'm proud as heck, don't get me wrong. But I've been heavy before. Like anyone else who's been overweight, I've been teased, I've cried myself to sleep. I've wished like hell that I was anyone other than myself and the idea of taking a night off terrifies me. Will I fall off the bandwagon for one night off? Well. Probably not. It's something that's always in the back of my mind. I'm working on that. I don't think I ever completely believed that losing weight was the answer to all my problems, but I may have had an idea that it would make my life immensely better. And it has, definitely don't get me wrong. I love being able to run for distances, take my dog on long walks without getting tired. I love being able to exercise for an hour. I love shopping for clothes and not having to look in the plus size section. I went shopping for swimsuit bottoms earlier this summer and the first pair I tried on I ended up buying. That wasn't something I was able to experience three years ago. I look in the mirror and I don't just see someone I hate. I see someone who has worked really hard! So there are pros and cons to this. I've lost 100lbs, but I have gained a lot of anxiety. And also a lot of pride. 

I really don't like looking at old photos of myself because like I said, I used to hate looking in the mirror. I was just so unhappy, so ashamed of my size. I actively avoid looking at vacation photos and my heart skips a beat when I'm tagged in a Facebook photo on Thursdays (haha). But last night, I was looking at old photos to do a before and after since I've been wanting to make this post and I realized something. I've got to love that girl. Give her a lot of credit. Show her some respect. Give her a round of applause. Do not be ashamed of her. It was her, after all, who put her foot down and made the decision to change her life.

And that I think is the best thing I've gained throughout this entire journey.

I can't say that tomorrow I'll be 100% happy with myself, but I think we all have those days. But I can say that when I realized that last night, it helped me a lot.

The left photo is me exactly a month ago, trying on an old pair of overalls. The right is a picture of me at a friends house before junior prom. I was 17 years old.

What is DDR?

I've made several mentions to playing Dance Dance Revolution, or DDR. I'm sure many people know what it is, but I'm still going to explain and share with you the video that inspired me to look at DDR as more than just a fun video game, but a great way to get some cardio in your life!

I would see the Dance Dance Revolution arcade games at various arcades and malls, but I never played it. I guessed that it was some kind of dancing game by watching others, and it always looked fun, but not something I would be interested in trying. It wasn't something that I thought about often or even at all even though we're a big video game family. (My brother loves them and I like them too.) During the MySpace craze, however, a friend of mind did one of those "Get To Know Me" surveys, and she said her favorite video game was DDR. So, I decided to look more into it. I ended up buying my first ever DDR game, DDR Extreme for Playstation 2 at GameStop, and then I sought out online to find a DDR pad. I asked for one for Christmas, but no one in my family knew was DDR was, so I didn't get one. That's okay, I didn't mind at all. I started looking online at different videos on YouTube, and on Amazon for the best pad to buy, and I bought my first ever pad from Amazon. It had a foam insert which was Heaven on my feet. I tried playing the first night and I really enjoyed playing! It's a video game, but you have to play with your feet, so you're not just sitting and wasting all kinds of energy!

I'm not sure how I came across this video, whether I was searching for DDR pads, or for DDR and weight loss, or DDR in general, but I somehow came across this video by YouTube user sumfight (Cody Rapol). I remember thinking how I ended up finding a video about losing weight when I was searching about DDR! After watching the video, I was immediately inspired. If you don't want to watch, (why not? It's very cool! You should watch!) here's the story: this guy lost around 100 pounds by playing DDR and making small changes to his diet by switching from regular soda to diet soda and eating a filling food or breakfast. He mentions eating a lot of oats in his video.

This is the video though! This is what inspired me to take DDR to a new level - a fitness level. I found his video somewhere between very late 2006 and early 2007, and here we were, around seven years later, and I still go back to the original video. He's updated at least once, the video was uploaded about two years ago, and there are other DDR related videos that I haven't seen yet. But the particular video I have here is the video that I found so inspiring. I didn't start right then. I have yo-yo dieted and exercised since seeing this video, but for the last fourteen months, there hasn't been a yo-do, except if it's on a permanent down! :) No going up for this girl!

The video above isn't the only video regarding weight loss and DDR. I'll end this post with a link to another YouTube video dedicated to DDR and weight loss. Feel free to watch. Did you know that DDR is an official sporting event in Norway?

This link is to a YouTube video where a Jeopardy contestant speaks with Alex Trebek. She lost fifty pounds playing DDR!

Motivation

I'm lucky. I've read other blogs, seem peoples comments on various places, and so many people say that staying motivated is very hard for them. I'm grateful that there are no motivation issues for me for the most part. Some days I am really frustrated with working out and I just want it to be over, but that is few and far between.

I think some of that is because I work out mostly by doing something fun (playing Dance Dance Revolution, which I will go into more details soon) but also, some of it is because I have a goal to work for, and I like to think and hope I am goal oriented. The fact that I have kept up this lifestyle, and do some kind of physical activity almost every night makes me think that yeah, I've got to at least be a little goal oriented, right?

Maybe I should explain what helps keep me motivated. Keep in mind that it might be seen as mean, or childish, or petty. In 2011, I was in a very nasty fight with a girl I once considered a very close friend, perhaps a best friend. Being friends with this person was tough from the beginning. We met when we were middle school aged, but we didn't form a close bond until a couple years later. I burned a lot of bridges to be friends with her. She has a different personality, I guess you could say, and one that not many people seem to like, or understand. I don't want to sound conceited or anything, but in school, I was known as the "nice girl" and if you give me time, I can find good in anyone, including this particular person. I was the person who would smile at everyone, who gave anyone a chance, or didn't matter what kind of person they were. I would give everyone a chance, and unless given a valid reason, I don't dislike anyone. However, when it came to this person, a lot of people didn't understand, and because of that, bridges were burned. As I look back, I can't believe that I chose that kind of friend either. I guess in a way, you could say she did not respect my feelings, ideals, morals or dreams at all. I don't want to go into details, because that's not what this particular blog post is about. Growing up, I didn't realize that she really wasn't a good friend, or the right kind of friend for me. The incidents that happened in 2011 just gave me light to the side that so many other people had been warning me about for years.

This girl said something to me one day, in the middle of our fight, that lasted an entire summer: "Julie, if you want to feel better about yourself, you should travel, or go to school, or do something else that makes you feel better to yourself besides DDR." - that's not the direct quote, but that's mostly the gist of it. Do something that makes you feel better about yourself than play DDR, which is a video game, but it's video game that has proven to work for me to lose weight.

I was really upset. Devastated. I stopped playing DDR because I felt pathetic. Even to this day, when I see someone and they're so shocked at how much weight I've lost, I can feel my face turn red. "Oh, I lost it playing a video game..." I shouldn't feel ashamed. Why should I feel ashamed? It's cheaper than a gym membership! It's a whole lot of fun! I've always loved it! I recently found that message again, and reading it just made me realize that this girl just never understood. Seriously. If you truly loved someone, and was excited that they were succeeding, why would you tell them to stop doing that?

From 2011 until August 2012, I just felt really pathetic. I mean, I felt like I didn't have any friends. I do have friends, but at the moment I don't drive, and my best friend, Aubrey, lives far beyond walking distance. I felt really alone. I had a lot of time to sit and think, and think, and think about the argument between me and the other girl, and then I realized that is what she wanted. She wanted me to relive her calling me pathetic, fat, loser, etc. And I also realized that my anger was justified, but I could do something healthier with it.

So I started playing DDR again. I channeled that anger, and I turned it into passion. I decided then and there that I wanted to be thinner than the girl I dislike the most. Maybe I was a pathetic fat loser. I can't argue and say that I wasn't fat. But that was going to change. I wanted to get to that size. She can't call me fat, unless she calls herself fat too! So that was my goal. That was my motivation, and I think I've reached that. I don't know, but occasionally I see her around, and I think so, and I feel proud. I can't call her up and ask her her weight, or her pants size! And, I did it all on my own. Hard work. Not only DDR. I walk my puppy a lot. I watch what I eat. I've realized that I enjoy running! I have a treadmill, exercise bike, and an elliptical machine at home, and I have a 3 mile floodwall near. Lots of sidewalk and two legs.

Sure, it's childish, but it's kept me going. I've kept that inside for a long time, just because it is silly, I know. But it's my motivation, and it is what started everything. And I've got to say, I know I'm not the only one who has motivation like that. I was watching Dr. Oz, and New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg was on, discussing the soda ban. This was a few months ago. Dr. Oz and Mayor Bloomberg discussed how he had went to the federal government to try and make things like potato chips, snack food, and soda ineligible to be bought with a food stamp card. Dr. Oz made note that Mayor Bloomberg's time as mayor was coming to an end, and he wanted to know if he (Bloomberg) thought that health was going to be his main legacy. Mayor Bloomberg said, “I’ll tell you ways to think about this: think about the person you don’t like most in the world. Do you want to be at their funeral or do you want them to be at yours? If that doesn’t get you to take care of yourself, I don’t know what does.”

On top of that, I do enjoy working out. I enjoy physical activity. I've become passionate about it, and it's something that I just love to do. I'm on my way to being healthier than I was when I was a child, and I love that. I'm old enough to do things with my life and young enough to enjoy it. 

Enjoying my workouts, knowing that I'm making my life better, and of course using past anger as fuel is what keeps me motivated. Now I'm not saying that I don't think about that person every day, I don't. I did in the beginning, and occasionally I do, but I also replay years of being teased as a child in my head too occasionally, on days where I am really struggling, and it gives me what I need. If someone tells me that I can't, I want to look them in the eye and say, "Watch me!"