Hi guys! Well, it's official: I've lost one hundred pounds! It took me close to three years but I did it! If you're new to the blog and wondering how I managed this, here's the short version: I did it without setting food inside a gym, playing a video game, doing workout DVD's created by Jillian Michaels, and by tracking what I eat with the website/app called LoseIt. I'm really proud of myself for what I've accomplished. The last three years have definitely not been easy, but it's been incredibly worth it!
So, like the title says, I've lost 100lbs, but I've gained so much more. Gained what? Well, a plethora of emotions and feelings both very positive and negative. I'm going to touch base about these things. Three years ago when I started this journey, I really didn't expect to lose weight. I was at a pretty low place as it was and I specifically remember signing up for LoseIt and thinking that it was something that would probably never work. I had tracked before and look where it got me. I didn't even believe I had lost weight until a few months later shopping for clothes and I had dropped two pants sizes. I was shocked and pleasantly surprised! Once I realized that it actually was working, it wasn't difficult to stick to it. Finding an activity that I enjoyed was key! Dance Dance Revolution is a lot of fun! As the weight continued to come off, I was proud! I felt strong, I felt beautiful. I remember when the, "Post five photos where you feel beautiful!" thing went around on Facebook, I posted a photograph of myself all sweaty after a workout talking about how working out made me feel strong and fierce and those feelings made me feel beautiful.
As time went on and I hit that plateau, I then started to feel really frustrated. Especially when that plateau seemed to last forever. And then feeling frustrated when to feeling defeated and discouraged. I had no idea what to do, what I could do to change things up. It's something I've blogged about before. Every time someone would ask me if I was still losing weight or how much I'd lost recently, I could just feel my stomach start to tie up in knots.
Adding in Jillian Michael's workouts in addition to DDR broke the plateau! I began doing Jillian workouts on January 11, starting with the 30 Day Shred, then Ripped In 30, Killer Body, and now I'm doing Yoga Inferno. I also really started really keeping an eye on what I ate. In the beginning it wasn't too bad, but now I'm pretty restrictive with my calories and very strict about getting my two workouts a day (except for Thursdays where I take a Jillian break). And that I know is pretty unhealthy. And that makes me feel like a slave and trapped. Sometimes it makes me feel unhealthy. I did not work by booty off to get to the point where I deny myself food before I get a workout in, or only allow myself to eat a salad a day. And that's the negatives to my journey with weight loss. I'm proud as heck, don't get me wrong. But I've been heavy before. Like anyone else who's been overweight, I've been teased, I've cried myself to sleep. I've wished like hell that I was anyone other than myself and the idea of taking a night off terrifies me. Will I fall off the bandwagon for one night off? Well. Probably not. It's something that's always in the back of my mind. I'm working on that. I don't think I ever completely believed that losing weight was the answer to all my problems, but I may have had an idea that it would make my life immensely better. And it has, definitely don't get me wrong. I love being able to run for distances, take my dog on long walks without getting tired. I love being able to exercise for an hour. I love shopping for clothes and not having to look in the plus size section. I went shopping for swimsuit bottoms earlier this summer and the first pair I tried on I ended up buying. That wasn't something I was able to experience three years ago. I look in the mirror and I don't just see someone I hate. I see someone who has worked really hard! So there are pros and cons to this. I've lost 100lbs, but I have gained a lot of anxiety. And also a lot of pride.
So, like the title says, I've lost 100lbs, but I've gained so much more. Gained what? Well, a plethora of emotions and feelings both very positive and negative. I'm going to touch base about these things. Three years ago when I started this journey, I really didn't expect to lose weight. I was at a pretty low place as it was and I specifically remember signing up for LoseIt and thinking that it was something that would probably never work. I had tracked before and look where it got me. I didn't even believe I had lost weight until a few months later shopping for clothes and I had dropped two pants sizes. I was shocked and pleasantly surprised! Once I realized that it actually was working, it wasn't difficult to stick to it. Finding an activity that I enjoyed was key! Dance Dance Revolution is a lot of fun! As the weight continued to come off, I was proud! I felt strong, I felt beautiful. I remember when the, "Post five photos where you feel beautiful!" thing went around on Facebook, I posted a photograph of myself all sweaty after a workout talking about how working out made me feel strong and fierce and those feelings made me feel beautiful.
As time went on and I hit that plateau, I then started to feel really frustrated. Especially when that plateau seemed to last forever. And then feeling frustrated when to feeling defeated and discouraged. I had no idea what to do, what I could do to change things up. It's something I've blogged about before. Every time someone would ask me if I was still losing weight or how much I'd lost recently, I could just feel my stomach start to tie up in knots.
Adding in Jillian Michael's workouts in addition to DDR broke the plateau! I began doing Jillian workouts on January 11, starting with the 30 Day Shred, then Ripped In 30, Killer Body, and now I'm doing Yoga Inferno. I also really started really keeping an eye on what I ate. In the beginning it wasn't too bad, but now I'm pretty restrictive with my calories and very strict about getting my two workouts a day (except for Thursdays where I take a Jillian break). And that I know is pretty unhealthy. And that makes me feel like a slave and trapped. Sometimes it makes me feel unhealthy. I did not work by booty off to get to the point where I deny myself food before I get a workout in, or only allow myself to eat a salad a day. And that's the negatives to my journey with weight loss. I'm proud as heck, don't get me wrong. But I've been heavy before. Like anyone else who's been overweight, I've been teased, I've cried myself to sleep. I've wished like hell that I was anyone other than myself and the idea of taking a night off terrifies me. Will I fall off the bandwagon for one night off? Well. Probably not. It's something that's always in the back of my mind. I'm working on that. I don't think I ever completely believed that losing weight was the answer to all my problems, but I may have had an idea that it would make my life immensely better. And it has, definitely don't get me wrong. I love being able to run for distances, take my dog on long walks without getting tired. I love being able to exercise for an hour. I love shopping for clothes and not having to look in the plus size section. I went shopping for swimsuit bottoms earlier this summer and the first pair I tried on I ended up buying. That wasn't something I was able to experience three years ago. I look in the mirror and I don't just see someone I hate. I see someone who has worked really hard! So there are pros and cons to this. I've lost 100lbs, but I have gained a lot of anxiety. And also a lot of pride.
I really don't like looking at old photos of myself because like I said, I used to hate looking in the mirror. I was just so unhappy, so ashamed of my size. I actively avoid looking at vacation photos and my heart skips a beat when I'm tagged in a Facebook photo on Thursdays (haha). But last night, I was looking at old photos to do a before and after since I've been wanting to make this post and I realized something. I've got to love that girl. Give her a lot of credit. Show her some respect. Give her a round of applause. Do not be ashamed of her. It was her, after all, who put her foot down and made the decision to change her life.
And that I think is the best thing I've gained throughout this entire journey.
I can't say that tomorrow I'll be 100% happy with myself, but I think we all have those days. But I can say that when I realized that last night, it helped me a lot.
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